Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
