I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
