I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
