fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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