At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
