She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
