why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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