then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
