When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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