Old men and throwing up are my life now.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
COCAINE IS GR8
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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