what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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