you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
