hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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