I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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