Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
