it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
