I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
