my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
