She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
