how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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