Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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