We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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