If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
