what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
being pregnant is like rehab
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
