Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
