you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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