His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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