Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I bet he comes in French.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
