I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Panties = found
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
