her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
