After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
