M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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