Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Need sex. Gaining weight.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
