The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
