i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
