all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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