Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
