Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
whose ass print is on the piano?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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