Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i think my cat just said my name.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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