she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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