I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
