Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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