I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
