Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
high people should be assigned attendants
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
