He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
