hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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