so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
