There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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