last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
