Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I want to be your penis for a week.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
