my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
