Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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