i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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