well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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