I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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