yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
