Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
