I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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