The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
