is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
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