They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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