Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
