i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
