I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
