so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize