"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
