I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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