ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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