Define "chronic" masturbator.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
