Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
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He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
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Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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