I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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