either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
