I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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