Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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