she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
