I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
