You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
