; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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