I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
