the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
