She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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