i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
