i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
