Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
