just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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