I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
